Extended visit...?

So today I was supposed to go check out my place in Russia, so I did just that but.... I FELL IN LOVE! It is the most beautiful place I've ever been! I had to move in right away, so as I speak, my stuff is being delivered to me here in Russia. I am so excited! But as my journeys will now be confidential because of the strict rules of the association, this will be my last blog. I will miss you all dearly, and hopefully this will not be the last you hear from me, but as it is now, this is the end. Good luck in all your future endeavors, and always remember...



STAY NORRIS! ♥

CANDY MOUNTAIN! :D

This weekend, I went to candy mountain with a truckload of pinatas, a truckload of sparkles, and a couple other truckloads of random stuff for my going away party. There were so many people there, it was the best party ever!!! :D I don't remember much of it, but I kind of pieced it together from various videos and pictures and I know it was most definitely the best night of my life.

How do you say hello in Russian..?

So, now that I have accepted the job, I will be moving to a little town near Omsk in Russia.The town is called Tapa. I won't be moving for another three months though. But I've already started packing. The agency has a house lined up for me over there. They sent me some pictures and it really is beautiful. I can't wait to see it. I'll be going for a visit on Monday so I'll let you know all about it. I'm so excited that I bought a whole truckload of pinatas and I'll be inviting a bunch of people over this weekend. I'm so pumped!

Pizza and Pacman.

Lunch with my parents yesterday was marvelous. We ordered a pizza. Nothing but cheese. Perfect. We talked about everything that's been going on lately, the squirrel, the goldfish, the giant gummy bear, the zombie apocalypse, the escaped mammoth, all that good stuff. We had a few laughs and then my father, Chuck Norris, made me an offer. He told me his associates have been keeping a close eye on me and they want me to come work for them.Well, actually they were offering me the top position, so technically, they would be working for me. I immediately accepted as this means I will be able to work alongside my father which is such a great honor! My mother was beaming as I shook hands with my father, sealing the deal. We then went and spent several hours playing all the games, collecting massive amounts of tokens which we gave to random people in the arcade. I love my parents. ♥

Manny's not the last one after all!

So this is just a shout out to a random girl that i have never met and probably never will. But thank you little girl for your tricycle. So a little background info- Last night, there was an emergency at a research facility, where they completed the cloning process and actually managed to clone a woolly mammoth! It was awesome and everything was great until the huge hairy beast managed to escape and was running around wreaking havoc on the village. So I took action, and since Oswald had not come with me to the grnad event, I needed a different mode of transportation and the only thing in sight was a small pink bicycle decorated with sparkly tassels and a wicker basket. Annnyways, since I'm not allowed to go into too much detail, the main gist is that I managed to tame the mammoth and bring him back to the research facility before he could cause too much damage, and because of my amazing act of heroism, I was bestowed the honour of naming him. I chose Wilfred, simply because he looked like a Wilfred. You guys should be hearing more about him in the near future, but in the mean time, Stay Norris! :D

P.S: Once again, thank you anonymous girl, for your unknowing help in a life threatening mission. You're an honourary Norris.

Four whole candy canes.

So today, I had a sudden craving for chocolate chips. As I got up to fulfill my destiny, I announced my intentions to which Oswald responded -Did I not mention he can talk?- , "You go Glen Coco."
DAY. MADE.

Chucky Cheese, here I come.

So my mother called today. We had a nice lovely chat and I told her about all my latest adventures and my newest accomplices. (Btw, I have decided to name the gummy bear Bernie, even though he has already been completely devoured. But his name will appear in the Guinness Book of World Records, just so ya know.) Anyways, we decided to meet up for lunch on Thursday, and my father will also be attending. So I'll let you know how that goes. As I;m sure you've already guessed, we settled on Chucky Cheese for various reason on which I will elaborate in the future. Stay Norris!

Oompa Tested, Wonka Approved.

So today I found out that the world's largest gummy bear is only 5 pounds. So I decided to set a new record. I called up Elize, am old friend of mine who now works for Willy Wonka and convinced her to help me out. I actually just mentioned the idea and she was a excited as I was! So we went to work, gathering ingredients, workers, and resources. Willy Wonka decided he would let us use his factory if he could use the unveiling of the giant gummy bear as a grand marketing scheme. We negotiated details and came to an agreement, then got down to work. It took a while but the time flew by as we burst into a spontaneous musical number! There were oompa loompas dancing about, candy flying through the air, and sparkles everywhere! I don't even know where the words and movements were coming from but I found myself singing and dancing along with everyone else until finally, my giant gummy bear was complete! It stood 13 feet high and weighed 203 pounds. There was a huge turn-out for the unveiling and there were so many cameras flashing. I had an interview with the Guinness Book of World Records and then everyone watched as I took the first bite. It was delicious. I had taken a part of the cherry flavour as we had made him with all the different flavours of gummy bears since he was so big. Then we blasted some music and all had a huge dance party with everyone on a major sugar rush from eating the gummy bear which still wasn't finished by the end of the night and thusly shipped out to Africa to feed the orphans.

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea.

So I decided to have a harness made for Martin so I could bring him out to the Atlantic ocean and go for a swim. I called in a favor and it was finished in three hours. Still plenty of time left in the day for a nice, refreshing dip in the salty water. I transferred Martin to a giant hamster ball aquarium and he wheeled towards the ocean under my direction. When we got there I strapped him into the harness and got into place on his back, clad in a professional scuba diving suit. Then we took off, going miles beneath the surface, swimming amongst the sea life and having a jolly good time. We were swimming amongst a pod of dolphins when we cam around the side of a reef and found a huge deteriorating ship! Upon closer inspection, we could see it was filled with gold and jewels among other treasures. We surfaced and I called in some people to help me out. By the end of the day, we had salvaged what we could and I had made international news for finding the long lost El Dorado which had been lost at sea over 500 years ago. Good thing the goldfish theme song is so catchy.

The snack that smiles back. Goldfish! (:

So I was just sitting around, drinking arizona iced tea, humming the goldfish theme song, when I decided I wanted a real goldfish! But not just any pet store fish would do. No. I had great expectations for my scaly, aquatic accomplice. He would have to be magnificent, caught fresh from the streams of.. well  I didn't;t know where goldfish came from... So I did some research. Turns out, there are giant goldfish in France! A 300-pound koi carp had been captured, and I was going to make him mine. So I hopped into my top of the line helicopter and took off for France. Normally, I would just catch a ride with Oswald, but he was out granting wishes and writing facts on snapples.So I choppered out to France, marched up to the owner of the goldfish (I had decided to name him Martin btw) and began negotiations. Seventeen minutes later, the papers were signed and the goldfish was officially mine. I called out some fighter jets and we carried the containment tank all the way back to my place. Martin seemed very pleased with his new surroundings. I'm sure there will be many adventures in the blogs to com, but for now, I'm just going to go back to humming the goldfish theme song.

What I learned in school.

So today, there was a mini zombie apocalypse. Not many people heard about it and those who did were sworn to secrecy but I think the public deserves to know. Anyways, it started with an old Tibetan woman, who had contracted the disease and infected 7 people alone. The outbreak traveled quickly and in 13 minutes over 300 people had been infected. I was called in to help and got there quickly with the help of Oswald. We didn't bring Louie though-it was too dangerous. We fought zombies together for over 5 hours and then scoured the area to make sure it was secure and free of the undead. Some of the zombies have been captured for research; scientists are trying to find a cure. Luckily, there wasn't too much damage to the country, and although many people had to be killed, we got in there as quickly as possible and the end result was 657 people zombified. Although this is a tragic event, it has given us a better understanding of the disease, and possibly even help us find a cure.

Sparkles is the herpes of arts and crafts.

So today, I am going to blog about the weather. Nah, Just kidding. I'm gonna tell you about a squirrel I saw yesterday! :D So I was walking through the forest, heading towards my meditation area, when I saw a squirrel. Normally, I wouldn't pay any attention to it but what happened next changed my opinion of this squirrel and squirrels in general. I had seen this squirrel around many times before as I often come into the forest to practice my sick ninja skills and find inner peace through meditation. But today, the squirrel decided to demonstrate HIS skills! It was awesome! I guess he's been watching me because he executed all my moves with great accuracy and precision. This squirrel is a lethal weapon! So I brought him with me to the meadow where I usually train and we chilled there for a bit. I named him Louie and we went home together with Oswald, whom I summoned with the snap of a finger, leaving the forest veiled in sparkles.

Bruce Wayne meets Bruce Willis.

Today, I met up with batman and had an intense training session. We fought each other, bettering ourselves in combat. He taught me how to use the batmobile. I taught him how to ride a unicorn.He taught me how to use a cape to your advantage. I taught him how to turn common household items into lethal weapons. He taught me how to find the loopholes in an evil mastermind's plan and I taught him how to use nunchucks and throwing stars.Once we finished our training session, we put out new skills into action and made Gotham a much better place. Twas a very productive day if i do say so myself.

Our Epic Adventure.

So yesterday, when I took off on my unicorn, we ended up flying over to Nigeria. We stopped for while and visited with some of the locals. Oswald was a big hit. Everyone wanted to pet him so we stayed for a bit and had a soccer match with some of the kids. We let the kids win. Then it was time for us to fly off to Hong Kong where I was hosting a kung fu presentation featuring my newly mastered skill; the infamous Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. I demonstrated my mad ninja skills and received an honorary membership to the Guild Of Ninjas and the International Ninja Association. Oswald was also granted membership as my accomplice. I can tell there will be some exciting blogs ahead.

MY NEW UNICORN!

Okay, so last night, I finally perfected my father's infamous roundhouse kick! He was so proud of me that he got me a unicorn! I named him Oswald. He is very classy. He came with a mustache, monacle, and top hat. He is also quite sparkly. So sparkly he's putting Edward Cullen to shame. It's back to the closet for Edward.. But anyways, back to my unicorn! He's a dear. But we're off for an epic adventure so look back for more blogs later!

HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!

Last night, I mastered my father's infamous roundhouse kick!!! I have been working on it since the age of 6, but last night, I finally performed a PERFECT roundhouse kick! My father is so proud! He got me a unicorn! So I'm off to ride my unicorn. More blogs later!

You're Lebanese! You're...Censored.

Lebanon has prohibited the sales of Lady Gaga's No.1 album Born This Way because they deem it "offensive to Christianity". Even after Lady Gaga's shout out to Lebanon in her single Born This Way (You're Lebanese!) Lebanon's General Secretary Department has still banned it from the country.

Christofer Drew's New Tattoo.

Two days ago, Christofer  Drew Ingle -the lead singer of Never Shout Never- added another tattoo to his growing collection of body art. He chose a red-tailed hawk, his animal spirit guide, to be tattooed on his neck.

Different Types of GPS Navigation

This article outlines the different types of GPS Navigation, the pros and cons of each, and which are best for what purposes. It gives information on 5 different types of GPS systems and helps you figure out which one is best for you.

Free To Air Receiver and Files

This article explains what an FTA is and some of the best models out there. It highlights important features and things you want to look out for when buying an FTA. It's a good guide for making a good purchase.

How to Install an HD Cable Box

This article shows you the proper way to install an HD cable box. It gives a step-by-step guide to ensure absolute success. It also gives plenty of helpful tips to help you along the way.

Verizon Reverse Lookup

This article is kind of scary..The person who wrote it sounds like a serious stalker. It's about using a website to find out a bunch of information about someone by putting in their cell phone number. Just by typing in their number, you can find out the person's full name, address, date of birth, phone carrier information, address history, location details, background checks, criminal history, birth records, reverse e-mail lookup, marriage and divorce records, legal records and much more. That's creepy.

Blackberry Storm 2- The amiable device from Blackberry

This article is about the Blackberry Storm 2.  It mainly just outlines all of its features, new additions, and handy elements, making it a versatile device and a great choice for anyone.

Iphone marketing tips

This article was about how to promote your iphone app. It gave tips on how to market an iphone app in international standards, but it was ultimately just promoting the ebook 'How to market Iphone Apps.' which was written by an established iphone apps marketer to help out iphone app developers who are just starting out and need some help to get their apps out there.